Mail-Order Brides? Marriage by Correspondence

An observational documentary and study guide

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MAIL-ORDER BRIDES? is an historical ethnographic documentary shot in the Philippines and USA during 1993.

Editing and study guide development are ongoing in 2024.

A new documentary about the married couples and other individuals who were in the documentary is in development, to be paired with the current work.

MAIL-ORDER BRIDES? An observational documentary SHORT VERSION (25 minutes)

MAIL-ORDER BRIDES? An observational documentary and study guide 

 

TRANSCRIPT 

 

TOM 

I really didn't think about these Asian women as being traditional. I was mainly just interested in the fact that their physical beauty is something I was attracted to. I'm attracted to dark hair, dark skin, and petite women, almost exclusively.  

MARYLIN 

You know, this is my first time to talk with the camera, to talk about myself, about my love life, about my pen pal, and about my story of my life. That's why sometimes I am ashamed.  

SEN. NIKKI COSETENG 

I think the first question that has to be addressed is the poverty question. Not just in the Philippines, in Sri Lanka, in Indonesia, in India, in Latin America, why do women and men want to leave their countries? And why do they feel that the best way to get out of the rut that they're in is to find themselves a foreigner to marry?  

BETTY 

I received so many letters from other countries. So I was happy that somebody wrote me. So that was that time, and I already forgot my husband. So I'm writing, writing, writing like that.  

BETBET PAREDO 

We are like the natural resources of a country. The women are the biggest group that is exploited in a country. If you're a poor country like the Philippines, the natural resources is exploited to the limits. Unbelievable. It's almost we're finished with our natural resources. Our forest is empty. Our seas are dead. The big countries are coming in, bringing out all our fish, bringing out all our natural resources, and also our people in the country. So what happens to the country now if we don't do anything about it? We become simple workers for the first world.  

JULIET 
Well, on the first place, I must submit to my husband. I must submit to my husband. I must be, because it's biblical. It's biblical that a wife should submit to his husband. If it is good for the family, then I must, what he likes for me to be.  

MARY ANN 

I publish my name even I'm very young because I'm just hoping that a foreigner can wait me to finish my study. To finish my study, then if I can finish my study and they come here to get married to me. I just go to him because I've already finished my study and I can help our family to earn money to my own family if I get married and to my family in the Philippines. I just want to help my parents.  

MAYETTE RIVERA 

This issue of mail-order bride ties in also closely with colonization, with a history of colonization of the Philippines because we still have this colonial mentality with us until now.  

JOAN 

I'm fond of reading magazines or what we call this. During my college days, I read pocketbooks which my friend gives me. Through it, I get an idea of having a relationship or having a imagination of a man.  

BELEN 

So when we meet each other, because I am a little bit choosy, I don't like him because he denied, he hide his age. He told me that he is 51, but when he arrived, he looks older than his face. He never looks 51 years old. And the other thing is that he has a bad breath. I don't like him.  

SR MARYJON MANANZAN 

Well, psychologically, it's a kind of escape. You're going to escape from a life of misery. You're going to have a new life. It's kind of the Cinderella syndrome.  

SEN NIKKI COSETENG 
I think we have also to learn to make a distinction between those who are mail-order brides by choice or those who on their own at all costs would like to marry a foreigner because it is his personal or her personal choice, and those that are driven into this practice because of economic hardship.  

HERBIE GOMEZ 

The brown color has become a symbol, especially that dark brown. It has become a symbol of poverty.  

SR MARYJON MANANZAN 

What we really are against in the women's movement about the so-called mail-order brides is the whole commercial aspect.  

JAMILA 
But the first time I met him in the Insular Hotel, they gave me a bad expression because they said bad words, which I don't like to hear from him. Like the words, "Are you still a virgin?" Like that. Or, "Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" So you know I am a Filipina, and they must respect my Filipina background.  

SEN NIKKI COSETENG 
First of all, if the person abroad is seeking a mate through this penpal system or through a third party, through an agency, there must be something wrong with him or her because this is not the natural process.  

FLORITA 

I found out that there are women who have guts, those who are brave to go there. But I told them that America is not just as easy as the Philippines, but still they have guts.  

RALPH and BETTY WEDDING 
By virtue of the powers bestowed upon me by the new family court of the Philippines, I hereby pronounce Ralph and Betty to be lawful husband and wife.  

BETTY 

I really need a partner because if you don't have a partner, you don't have moral support. So I think I need it.  

RALPH 

There is nothing like being lonely to make you go look for something, to fill a void that you have. I was so depressed after my wife's death that I didn't really even care if I ran my business or not. I could care less if I went to work. My bosses even pointed this out to me. I had an attitude.  

BETTY 

So beforehand, I told him I would have to make an optional agreement before marrying me so that I will always be sure that what you have promised me will be True.   

 

 

SEN NIKKI COSETENG 

Unless we address the poverty issue, it's very hard even for the church to moralize and say, "This is bad. It's no good. It's a sin. It offends the Lord." People can't even understand that anymore because of the economic deprivation that they experience.  

LEONIDA 

Maybe my future is not here in the Philippines. I'm positive thinking that my future is there in the USA, not here in the Philippines. That's all.  

BETBET PAREDO 

As long as we keep going out of the country, being cheap labor for foreign countries, sex partners for men, exploited whatever in other places, we can never say that the woman is liberated. This also means that the rest of the women all over the world is not liberated because as long as there is a woman that is not liberated in the world, no woman's movement can say that the woman is liberated. Thank you. 

SCRIPT
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Play Video

MAIL-ORDER BRIDES? An observational documentary  (25 minutes)

MAIL-ORDER BRIDES? is an historical documentary shot in the Philippines and USA during 1993.

Editing and study guide development are ongoing in 2024.

A new documentary about the married couples and other individuals who were in the documentary is in development, to be paired with the current work.

MAIL-ORDER BRIDES? An observational documentary and study guide 

 

TRANSCRIPT 

 

TOM 

I really didn't think about these Asian women as being traditional. I was mainly just interested in the fact that their physical beauty is something I was attracted to. I'm attracted to dark hair, dark skin, and petite women, almost exclusively.  

MARYLIN 

You know, this is my first time to talk with the camera, to talk about myself, about my love life, about my pen pal, and about my story of my life. That's why sometimes I am ashamed.  

SEN. NIKKI COSETENG 

I think the first question that has to be addressed is the poverty question. Not just in the Philippines, in Sri Lanka, in Indonesia, in India, in Latin America, why do women and men want to leave their countries? And why do they feel that the best way to get out of the rut that they're in is to find themselves a foreigner to marry?  

BETTY 

I received so many letters from other countries. So I was happy that somebody wrote me. So that was that time, and I already forgot my husband. So I'm writing, writing, writing like that.  

BETBET PAREDO 

We are like the natural resources of a country. The women are the biggest group that is exploited in a country. If you're a poor country like the Philippines, the natural resources is exploited to the limits. Unbelievable. It's almost we're finished with our natural resources. Our forest is empty. Our seas are dead. The big countries are coming in, bringing out all our fish, bringing out all our natural resources, and also our people in the country. So what happens to the country now if we don't do anything about it? We become simple workers for the first world.  

JULIET 
Well, on the first place, I must submit to my husband. I must submit to my husband. I must be, because it's biblical. It's biblical that a wife should submit to his husband. If it is good for the family, then I must, what he likes for me to be.  

MARY ANN 

I publish my name even I'm very young because I'm just hoping that a foreigner can wait me to finish my study. To finish my study, then if I can finish my study and they come here to get married to me. I just go to him because I've already finished my study and I can help our family to earn money to my own family if I get married and to my family in the Philippines. I just want to help my parents.  

MAYETTE RIVERA 

This issue of mail-order bride ties in also closely with colonization, with a history of colonization of the Philippines because we still have this colonial mentality with us until now.  

JOAN 

I'm fond of reading magazines or what we call this. During my college days, I read pocketbooks which my friend gives me. Through it, I get an idea of having a relationship or having a imagination of a man.  

BELEN 

So when we meet each other, because I am a little bit choosy, I don't like him because he denied, he hide his age. He told me that he is 51, but when he arrived, he looks older than his face. He never looks 51 years old. And the other thing is that he has a bad breath. I don't like him.  

SR MARYJON MANANZAN 

Well, psychologically, it's a kind of escape. You're going to escape from a life of misery. You're going to have a new life. It's kind of the Cinderella syndrome.  

SEN NIKKI COSETENG 
I think we have also to learn to make a distinction between those who are mail-order brides by choice or those who on their own at all costs would like to marry a foreigner because it is his personal or her personal choice, and those that are driven into this practice because of economic hardship.  

HERBIE GOMEZ 

The brown color has become a symbol, especially that dark brown. It has become a symbol of poverty.  

SR MARYJON MANANZAN 

What we really are against in the women's movement about the so-called mail-order brides is the whole commercial aspect.  

JAMILA 
But the first time I met him in the Insular Hotel, they gave me a bad expression because they said bad words, which I don't like to hear from him. Like the words, "Are you still a virgin?" Like that. Or, "Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" So you know I am a Filipina, and they must respect my Filipina background.  

SEN NIKKI COSETENG 
First of all, if the person abroad is seeking a mate through this penpal system or through a third party, through an agency, there must be something wrong with him or her because this is not the natural process.  

FLORITA 

I found out that there are women who have guts, those who are brave to go there. But I told them that America is not just as easy as the Philippines, but still they have guts.  

RALPH and BETTY WEDDING 
By virtue of the powers bestowed upon me by the new family court of the Philippines, I hereby pronounce Ralph and Betty to be lawful husband and wife.  

BETTY 

I really need a partner because if you don't have a partner, you don't have moral support. So I think I need it.  

RALPH 

There is nothing like being lonely to make you go look for something, to fill a void that you have. I was so depressed after my wife's death that I didn't really even care if I ran my business or not. I could care less if I went to work. My bosses even pointed this out to me. I had an attitude.  

BETTY 

So beforehand, I told him I would have to make an optional agreement before marrying me so that I will always be sure that what you have promised me will be True.   

 

 

SEN NIKKI COSETENG 

Unless we address the poverty issue, it's very hard even for the church to moralize and say, "This is bad. It's no good. It's a sin. It offends the Lord." People can't even understand that anymore because of the economic deprivation that they experience.  

LEONIDA 

Maybe my future is not here in the Philippines. I'm positive thinking that my future is there in the USA, not here in the Philippines. That's all.  

BETBET PAREDO 

As long as we keep going out of the country, being cheap labor for foreign countries, sex partners for men, exploited whatever in other places, we can never say that the woman is liberated. This also means that the rest of the women all over the world is not liberated because as long as there is a woman that is not liberated in the world, no woman's movement can say that the woman is liberated. Thank you. 

SCRIPT
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Chapters

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1 SEARCHING?

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2 TOM and LEONIDA

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3 RALPH and BETTY

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4 FLORITA, the MATCHMAKER

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5 PUSH and PULL?

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6 DIVORCE in the PHILIPPINES?

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7 DOUBLE STANDARDS?

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8 POVERTY and LIBERATION?

Mail-Order Brides? An Observational Documentary and Study Guide

Mail-Order Brides? is an observational and historical feature documentary and study guide/case study for student learning.

The documentary delves deeply into the complex phenomenon of pen pal courtships and marriages between Filipinas and American men in the early 1990s.

The documentary and its study guide combine grounded theory and phenomenological approaches in qualitative research. The goal is to integrate both approaches, leading to a more comprehensive understanding of the research phenomenon.

"Mail-Order Brides?" uses ethnographic research perspectives to challenge the sensationalized narrative often portrayed by the media, where Filipinas are superficially depicted as mere commodities in the international and nefarious mail-order bride market. Instead, this documentary objectively presents women as individual agents navigating through the challenging socio-eonomic and cultural landscape of their time.

The documentary underscores how Filipinas, figuratively described as a natural resource of the Philippines, are pushed by many local adversities and pulled by the lure of better opportunities in the USA, revealing a multifaceted story of choice, resilience and survival.

The documentary critically examines the myriad factors that drive Filipinas to seek foreign husbands, particularly seeking those from the USA. Central to this exploration are many factors that emerge such as:

  • failure by the RP government to provide basic services, especially in the aftermath of the 1986 IMF debt crisis, which plunged the nation into long-term economic hardship

 

  • a colonial mentality in the RP
  • the priority of virginity in RP society
  • the absence of divorce in the Philippines (a significant impediment that left many women trapped in untenable marriages)
  • a perceived lack of support from Filipino men.

Through the critical lens of women's studies and feminism, Mail-Order Brides? contextualizes the pheonomenon of these marriages within broader discussions of global economic pressures and local patriarchal structures, offering a comprehensive understanding of the motivations behind these transnational unions.

This documentary features in-depth interviews with many women and men themselves who are engaging in pen pal writing and marriage, with insights/critique from several prominent advocates and scholarly voices for women’s issues.

The documentary sheds light on the psychology of mate selection and the socio-political factors that shape the women's decisions to "marry a foreigner" and leave their homeland.

The documentary connects past issues with present-day realities, laying the groundwork for further study of these topics in the internet age.

Mail-Order Brides? not only provides an historical account but also serves as a poignant commentary on the enduring impact of economic policies and gender dynamics on the lives of Filipinas.  Ultimately, the documentary advocates for full liberation of all women, facilitating a more nuanced and empathetic understanding of their experiences by all.

MAIL-ORDER BRIDES?
An observational documentary

Study Guide Framework

Introduction

This study guide provides a structured framework for exploring the themes and issues raised in the documentary, offering opportunities for critical analysis, discussion, and reflection. It encourages students to consider reticulated historical contexts, ethical dilemmas, and contemporary implications of gender dynamics within the specific context of Filipino women’s experiences in pen pal marriage with American men.

This study guide explores the complex issues surrounding gender roles, economic autonomy, and cultural perceptions as discussed in the documentary, Mail-Order Brides? This multimedia learning resource examines the challenges faced by Filipino women, particularly in the context of international marriages and the phenomenon of pen pal marriage by correspondence, sometimes called “mail-order brides,” highlighting implications for women’s liberation and societal progress.

Learning Objectives

By the end of the curriculum, students should be able to:

  • Understand the historical and socio-economic context of the Philippines in the 1990s.
  • Analyze personal narratives to gain insights into Filipino culture and international relationships.
  • Critically evaluate the impacts of global economic policies on developing nations.
  • Communicate findings effectively through written and oral presentations.

Key Themes

1. Women's Autonomy and Economic Empowerment

  • Discusses the assertion that true progress for Filipino women hinges on their ability to stay in their homeland, secure meaningful employment, and achieve economic self-sufficiency.
  • Critically examines how economic opportunities contribute to women’s dignity and autonomy within their own communities.

2. Global Feminism and Cultural Representation

  • Analyzes the impact of the mail-order bride industry on the image and agency of Filipino women internationally.
  • Explores how stereotypes and cultural perceptions influence international marriages and societal roles, particularly from a feminist perspective.

3. Historical Context and Psychological Impact

  • Provides historical insights into pre-colonial gender dynamics in the Philippines, contrasting attitudes towards fertility and virginity.
  • Discusses the psychological effects of societal changes on women’s freedoms and perceptions of autonomy over time.

4. Analysis and Discussion Points

  • Intersectionality of Gender and Migration: Examines the intersection of gender, economic migration, and cultural identity, particularly in the context of Filipinas seeking marriages abroad.

  • Ethical Implications of International Marriages: Critiques the ethical considerations surrounding international matchmaking and its impact on gender equality and human rights.

  • Legal and Economic Solutions: Evaluates proposed solutions such as legislative reforms and economic policies aimed at empowering women economically and socially within the Philippines.

5. Contemporary Relevance and Social Justice

  • Media Representation and Stereotyping: Analyzes media portrayals of Filipino women and their influence on societal perceptions and global narratives of gender and race.

  • Advocacy and Activism: Explores the role of advocacy groups and feminist movements in challenging stereotypes and promoting gender equality in international contexts.

Conclusion

This study guide aims to deepen understanding of the multifaceted challenges faced by Filipino women and American men in a global context, emphasizing the interconnectedness of economic empowerment, cultural representation, and personal autonomy. By engaging with these themes critically, students are encouraged to reflect on broader implications for gender equality and social justice, both locally and globally.

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